Dive into our enlightening conversation with Emily Zwijack, a passionate and talented violinist who candidly shares her journey through the world of music. In this Q&A, Emily opens up about her early auditions, the performance anxiety she faced, and the invaluable lessons learned along the way. She also discusses dealing with harsh criticisms, maintaining motivation amidst setbacks, and the importance of self-care for musicians. Emily's insights on building a supportive community and embracing vulnerability in the competitive world of classical music are both inspiring and practical. Join us as Emily's experiences offer a raw and honest look into the life of a musician striving for excellence while navigating the challenges of mental health and resilience.
Question: How did you approach your very first auditions? And what key lessons did you learn from them? And how can we approach it with a healthier mindset? Answer: I remember in particular, my first two auditions because I started violin when I was 12, a bit of a late start in our school program. I had to audition for the teacher to get into the program. Then, two years later, I auditioned again to get into the high school program. Both times, I had a very similar approach. I would say it was actually healthier than the performance anxiety I struggled with more in high school. I was a big risk-taker; I memorized the music I needed to play because I thought it looked like I knew my music better. It was risky because I could have had a memory slip, but I wanted to do it and was determined to do it. For both auditions, I was very nervous, which was my first experience with performance anxiety. I didn’t entirely understand it then. I was in figure skating at the time too, and I’d get nervous for that, but hadn’t really put labels on it. I just knew I didn’t feel good about what I was about to do, even though I was excited. The question I asked myself was, why am I nervous? I did all the preparation; there wasn’t a single more thing I could have done. I practiced constantly, memorized the music, and went above and beyond. That was my first step into experiencing performance anxiety, and it wasn’t a healthy mindset. I wasn’t really taught how to think about auditions, but that’s where I started.
Question: Have you ever come across any negative feedback or criticism in your career with violin or other types of performances? Did it ever affect your passion for music? How can we deal with harsh criticisms in a healthier manner? Answer: For sure, I’ve dealt with a lot of criticism. When you sign up to go to music school, you are signing up to be criticized at every level of your being and how you play and act. That’s to be expected from conservatory and even before because they are preparing you for that. I dealt with a lot of criticism from my teachers and peers, at auditions, and in master classes. It’s constant; you’re always being told what’s wrong and what you can do better. A good teacher will also tell you what you’re doing right so you know what you’re doing correctly. However, more often, you’ll hear what you need to work on. A few years ago, a teacher very dear to me told me out of the blue that I should just quit violin, that it wasn’t for me. I looked up to her so much that it was a knife to the heart, especially since I had a big performance in less than 24 hours—my first time playing Mendelssohn Violin Concerto. I had never been told to quit before, and it was very hard. At that time, I did lose a bit of my passion and became very frustrated. I wasn’t as excited to learn because all I could see was what I was doing wrong. I realized the music world isn’t necessarily a magical, perfect community. There are also some people in the music community who maybe don’t have good intentions. That was a time when I lost my love for music, and I’ve been working on it ever since. When it comes to criticism, reframing what my teacher was trying to do and what criticism is meant to do—an opportunity to grow—has helped me build up endurance and tough skin. You learn not to take criticism as negativity. If you see every piece of criticism as an attack, you won’t survive. Criticism is like extra points; it shows you what to work on. If you improve on it, it makes you a better musician.
Question: After that comment, did you lose your motivation to practice or hit a roadblock in growing? How did you stay motivated to practice? Answer: It would have been easy for me to agree with her and say, “You’re right, this isn’t for me,” if I didn’t have a concert in 24 hours. The concert was also for my accompanist because it was a collaborative pianist concert, her first time accompanying. I couldn’t cancel it as my teacher suggested. I had to perform, so I focused on what I needed to do to get through the performance. The concert ended up being a great experience, reminding me why I’m doing what I’m doing. It was my first time performing in person since the pandemic, which made it very special. That positive experience helped me push forward. Performing is my reward for persevering and still putting on the concert.
Question: How do you prioritize self-care and maintain your well-being throughout the process? Answer: As a musician, you have lots of concerts and practice sessions; it never ends. You have to figure out when you need a break or need to switch to a different assignment or completely step away from music. I think everyone in music school should be in therapy. It’s very helpful to have a non-biased perspective, someone you can talk to about what’s going on. Having some sporadic, unplanned activities is also helpful. For example, when I get flustered practicing, I might go on a quick Target run or to a nearby CVS to grab a little treat. These little, unscheduled activities provide a breath of fresh air amid a tightly packed musician schedule.
Question: What challenges have you faced seeking mental health support within the music community? Answer: There’s an emerging trend to speak out more about mental health, but reactions to those who speak out haven’t changed much. We need to learn how to support people who speak out. I recently started a podcast called "Dissonant Dialogues" with a fellow graduate, where we discuss challenges in classical music. We just filmed an episode on conservatory and classical music culture. Unfortunately, many experiences are negative, and there’s this idea that speaking up can cut you off from work. If your mental health is struggling, you might not be offered gigs. We need to build a bigger support network throughout our community of musicians and make it a safe space.
Question: What strategies would you use to build that supportive network within the community? Answer: The first step is for those who feel comfortable speaking up to start doing so. It can be as simple as sharing a post on social media about mental health awareness. Then, maybe create your own posts and share bits of your own story. Talking openly about your experiences helps break the silence. This is already happening somewhat in the music community, often in the form of jokes. But that’s a start, and it opens the door to more serious conversations.
Question: What kind of impact has this had on your life or career? Answer: It has had a huge impact on my career. I stumbled into it. My parents monitored Facebook but didn’t know Instagram existed, so I got it. I came across Chloe Trevor’s page and another violist who posted practice videos. I thought documenting my journey would be cool. At first, it was for me, but then I saw the benefits for others. My violin teacher, an older, tougher man, initially thought it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. Showing the reality of practice sessions and the music journey has grown my page. People see that they’re not alone in their struggles. This transparency breaks down the stereotype that musicians are only the final product. We all have a journey, and sharing that helps others see they can achieve their goals too.
Question: Do you think knowing that not everyone is perfect and seeing the insides of practicing helps with dealing with comparison or competition within the industry? Answer: Yes, it helps me know that I have a chance. If professionals aren’t perfect, I don’t have to be either. Competition is often fostered by people in power, but I believe competition can be healthy if it’s not enforced in us. Knowing that others aren’t perfect makes it harder to compare yourself negatively. We all have different environments and past experiences. I don’t compare myself to other musicians anymore. I focus on comparing myself to who I was yesterday and improving from there.
Question: Could you discuss the importance of playing in an ensemble or collaborating with other musicians? Answer: It’s important because, as human beings, we don’t want to be lonely. Being a musician can be isolating, with many hours alone in the practice room. Playing in an ensemble or chamber music offers community and intimacy. You get to see each other in vulnerable places, working together and coming up with ideas. It’s not just about the final product on stage but about the journey and the collaboration.
Question: How do in-person music communities compare to online ones? Answer: Shockingly, I think online support is much stronger than in-person support. In person, people are more shy and particular about their reputation. Online, it’s easier to be vulnerable and talk more naturally. The online community offers a variety of supporters from different places and experiences. When I was told to quit violin, the first place I went for help was my online community. Their support was overwhelming and helped me realize I wasn’t alone. It was a big reason I was able to perform despite the negative feedback.
Question: What advice do you have for people who may be hesitant or unsure about posting about their struggles online? Answer: You have to change your mindset. It’s not a weakness to speak up about your struggles; it brings community and support. Share as much as you’re comfortable with. Speaking out can bring a lot of peace and help others. Look at the bigger picture and know that you’re a small part of a much larger community.
Question: What general advice would you give to aspiring musicians who may look up to you? Answer: If the work you’re doing right now isn’t already fun, find a way to make it fun. If it’s not enjoyable, you’ll eventually get distracted or bored. Additionally, focus on your goals and block out distractions. Keep your practice sessions organized and manageable. If you stay committed and passionate, you’ll achieve your dreams.
Thank you Emily Zwijack for sharing your personal story and valuable insights!
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